Who would I be without Pokémon?

On a Friday evening, my brother had just gotten home and we were eating dinner together after three weeks of not seeing one another. Everything about it was ordinary, up until he posed the most loaded question I had heard all year.

“If you were a Pokémon trainer, what team would you have?”

Brother of Nene

My mind immediately raced. This was the moment I’d been waiting for my entire life. Me, who was raised on Pokémon from my working memory and beyond. Me, the Game Freak slave who would unquestionably buy every main series game to be released every two years in November. Me, who shamelessly had a Pikachu decal on the side of my car. This was my moment, my time. Eventually, about 2 seconds later, I gave him the most intelligent answer I could muster.

“What? Why?”

My brother’s answer didn’t matter too much in the grand scheme of things. It was just a fun little prompt that led him to making teams for his close friends over the last few days. He said it would take about 30 minutes to come up with something. Lowkey. Not serious.

Well, it absolutely something I would highkey take seriously fr fr. A chance to indulge in character creation and introspection— forcing me to make a self-insert in one of my favorite worlds? You first, bro. I would never pass the opportunity to see how other people view me.

True to his word, he made my team with its own little story right at the dinner table. It took him not 30 minutes, but 300 seconds (that’s 5 minutes for you non-thinkers). Passing it over to me with a little laugh, he explained it to me as I scrolled through the list.

Surprisingly, he had a very sound reason for each of his picks and even gave some additional swapping options.

Umbreon: I would have an Eevee from a young age, possibly gifted to me by our parents that I had planned to evolve into a Leafeon. However, because of pure procrastination, my friendship grew with my Eevee and it naturally evolved into Umbreon late one night— a no brainer since both my brother and I tend to stay up into witching hours.

Gastly & Misdreavus: I would have little ghost Pokémon since ghost and dark types are the two that my brother associates most with me. Gastly would eventually evolve into Gengar, but Misdreavus will never evolve. This is because of my Misdreavus from Pokémon Heart Gold that was nicknamed “Lil Miss” who was eternally following my sprite around in the overworld.

Pikachu & Mimikyu: These two are interchangeable and I will have one or the other— not both. Pikachu has always been a Pokémon that I never use in-game, but one that I adore aesthetically. From my car decal to stuffed animals to my old high school profile picture, Pikachu (or a mimic) is always around. Bonus: these two can also be switched out with Mawhile.

Tsareena: She can be swappable with any femme fatale figure like Gardevoir, Hatterene, Tsareena, or Froslass. Potentially, it could even be a Gallade because who knew the Ralts I could potentially have would be male? However, it would be only one of these, not multiple. Otherwise, it would be far too high maintenance.

Mega Absol: In his fictional world, my brother believed it would be fun if all of his friends had a mega evolved choice. For me, I would have either a Mega Absol or a Mega Altaria. Absol would come find me for refuge because I am generally welcoming of anyone in need. I also have a connection with the mystic and so it wouldn’t feel out of place with my many dark and ghost Pokémon. Altaria is a different and fluffy option that helps me care for younger little ones. A powerful dragon type is my third most associated type to my brother which, for the record, is rather high praise to me. Mega Houndoom also fits as a dark alternative.

Then it was my turn.

That creative brother of mine is a tough act to follow up on, but I had the rest of my evening in my hands and him hanging out in my bed. It took me a modest 2 hours to fully flesh out my supposed trainer insert, but with his blessings and our offhanded discussions, I got somewhere that I was very pleased with.

World: At first, I wondered if it was too egotistical of me to assume I could take care of more than a team of 6. I thought at most, I should stick with a swappable team of 8. My brother chimed in and mirrored my gut feelings though: I would be one of the rare trainers who can successfully care for a lot of Pokémon at once. My more powerful Pokémon will be able to help me out, and I would run a daycare for friends and fellows who drop off young baby Pokémon to be properly nurtured. It’s part of my nature that I bring from my personal life. There are many Pokémon that never evolve or will evolve only later in life because I spread my time evenly amongst them. The main stays that do manage to evolve in my young adult years so happen to be ones that I’ve had since childhood.

While the daycare is set up in my own backyard, I am the owner of a former haunted house located down the road from town. There are a few neighbors in the distance, but the land is spacious enough for us to never really run into each other. The two story house was the resident of a few ghost Pokémon who I took in under my wing. After renovating it to be a warm home, there is still an affinity to ghost and psychic Pokémon who come to visit often.

As an expensive hobby, I travel around the forest behind my house looking for plant-like Pokémon to care for and to release once they matured enough. I have a greenhouse attachment that shares a wall with my kitchen where I keep potted plants and Pokémon. It started off small but expands as I become older. There are shelves that keep several small pots while the larger ones are on the ground.

Though I watch many nature documentaries and read many books, there are far too many Pokémon in the world for me to know every single species that ever existed (mindset: a pothos is a pothos, an Oddish is an Oddish). When I go out to catch Oddish and Petilil (cute and plentiful), I can accidentally mistaken other species for those particular two. It will take outside people like my brother who will selectively correct me. Of course, it’s always a pleasant surprise when I find out that the weird looking Oddish is actually a Bounsweet, but it doesn’t matter too much in the end— they need about the same amount of water anyways.

The true issue comes when I become more proficient in catching rarer types as a young adult. What do you mean these fucked up looking Oddish and Petilil are actually Bonsley, Smoliv, and a Chikorita? No wonder they never evolve— they weren’t getting the care they needed! There are even sneaky bug Pokémon that hide amongst the others. Along with other visitors, the greenhouse is a closed-door environment with an open-secret mindset. Little ones that just need a place to go before their next steps make their home there; usually I accept them and water them anyways.

Main Pokémon & Swappables

Firstly, I absolutely agree with everything that my brother initially made for me. He is one of the rare people who know me extremely well and who I would trust to make decisions on my behalf. Though I tried to deviate from his choices, he had Pokémon who I would’ve picked for myself regardless of if he brought it up or not. Instead of breaking away from the first look, I expanded on it.

These Pokémon would be the ones that I would be nurturing from a young age or ones that are my main focus. In addition to the potential Umbreon, Gastly/Gengar, Misdreavus, Pikachu/Mimikyu/Mawhile, Tsareena/et al., and the Mega Absol, Mega Houndoom, and Mega Altaria, here are my picks:

Munna: I have always had a history of poor sleep hygiene. I believe that I would seek out the help of a Munna who would not be there as a battle-driven team member, but would share its strength in other ways. It eats my dreams so I can sleep through the night and will never evolve from its current form. Because I live in a former haunted house and have many ghost types on my roster, it helps to have a little dream eater for all the plentiful greenhouse inhabitants and other non-ghosts too.

Decidueye: It is one of the first Pokémon that I meet in the forest behind my house. I befriend it as a Rowlett and raise it to become a regular traveling companion.

Meowstic (Female): If my brother has a male one, then most likely our parents gifted us two Espurr as kids. My mom has a rigid view on gender roles though— the defensive male would go to me and the offensive female would go to my brother. They are raised together because of the shared household and feel almost like they belong to the two of us. They would both remain as Espurr until I move into my newly renovated house with my brother (before he moves down the street). Once they evolve thanks to the help of a squatter Xatu, female Meowstic comes with me while male goes with my brother.

Litwick: It is one of the Pokémon who never left my house. It takes such a liking to me that it generally hangs around and dances occasionally. At night when I am reading, Litwick provides light for me. Once I become much older, Litwick eventually evolves into Chandelure. It never eats my lifespan and quite enjoys my warmly decorated house.

The Forest Home, Formerly Known As The Haunted House

There are also some additional “what-ifs” that we came up with.

Gyarados: If my brother has a Milotic, then I will have a Gyarados. Both are raised from their pre-evolved forms respectively. This is a heavily time consuming Pokémon though, so it’s unlikely that I will go down that route. Gyarados is an old-time favorite of mine though and it wouldn’t feel right to not include it in.

Froslass: Snorunt would be a gift from my traveling brother who will evolve once I am much older.

Drakloak: (Brother’s pick) Similar to Altaria, it would be a powerful dragon that helps me care for my little ones around the house. It doesn’t leave the area and spends its entire Dreepy life in the same house it currently protects.

Xatu: (Brother’s pick) It would simply be around. The Xatu perches itself on top of my roof and stares off into the distance. We don’t know why it’s there— maybe just drawn to the house as many Pokémon are— but it’s not bothering anyone, so it can stay. I never make an effort to catch it. We simply have a mutual, unspoken agreement that it lives with me, and I am protected… or something. An unforeseen consequence of having it around is that it imparts many horrors onto the two Espurr who climb onto the roof often. Too much forbidden knowledge of the future make the two evolve into Meowstic. They still have trauma from their experiences.

The Greenhouse, Also Known As The Nursery

There are many Pokémon who reside in the nursery throughout my life, but in the beginning, there were mostly Oddish and Petilil. Occasionally there will be floating Pokémon caught on the roof and sometimes even latched onto Xatu’s face (Cottenee and Hoppip).

Oddish and Petilil are among the few Pokémon I had when I am first starting out. However, the hobby quickly expands once I got into the habit of bringing new plants into my home. When those Pokémon grow strong enough to survive on their own, I release them unless they want to stay longer term, becoming protectors and caregivers to their pre-evolution counterparts. As I grow older and my species differentiation becomes more skilled, I begin to understand what it takes for certain species to evolve. Thanks to that, I’m able to evolve Oddish, Petilil, Budew, Smoliv, Sunkern, and a single Chikorita. 

In the beginning, as my collection grew, I am very eager to collect what I call “Oddish Variants” aka “they look a little fucked up and deformed but they just need extra love.” Examples of the fucked up Oddish includes: Shiny Oddish (Bounsweet), Heavy Oddish (Bonsley), Green Oddish (Smoliv), Flying Oddish (Hoppip), Four Legged and One Leaf Oddish (Chikorita), Four Legged and Two Leaf Oddish (Turtwig), Bud Oddish (Budew), Bush Oddish (Shayman), and Striped Oddish (Sunkern). Petilil are Petilil. 

It wasn’t until my brother points it out that I start to realize they aren’t just Oddish Variants. I began to be able to differentiate the four legged ones as Bulbasaur (still widely incorrect but at least they weren’t Oddish), Sunkern. This is when I actively seek out other Pokémon and trade for a few Cactus Pokémon. In my shock, I realize that I have a Chikorita in my mix of Bulbasaur– it is the Shayman while the real Chikorita is still being called a Bulbasaur. 

As my nursery becomes increasingly successful, wild Pokémon set up their homes with me, though they aren’t ones I would actively call my own. These include Swadloon and Burmy who tricks me into thinking they are odd plants rather than bugs, a Treecko who sticks to the glass panels of the wall, and various fairy types like Flabebe, Floette, Cutiefly, Ribombee, and Chimecho. Sometimes Gossifleur and Cottenee stay until they evolve, then leave.

Other Pokémon are caught and added to my team or are in my care such as:

Servine: Servine is one of the Pokémon who came in on their own from the forest. It sought shelter from the harsh weather and I gladly welcome it in, never leaving once it realizes how comfortable it is to be indoors. It evolves into a Serperior in my late young adult life, protecting the grounds from any unwelcome trespassers or those seeking trouble. 

Dwebble & Gible: These two never evolve but help expand the garden, yard, or any digging needs I have. If my brother needs to expand his lake, these two and an army of Oddish are borrowed. 

Cacnea & Maractus: They will never evolve. These two are among the only cactus plants that reside in the greenhouse and are purchased from collectors. 

Shayman: It is caught while I am hunting for Oddish in the forest. I will never discover that I have a legendary Pokémon in my mix thanks to both my brother and our Meowstic. They work hard to protect my innocence. Shayman will also naturally hide from any unknown visitors so not many people get a chance to see it.

Phantump: It is a little ghost that wandered into my former haunted house early on and dislikes staying in the greenhouse. It prefers to be with other ghost Pokémon and will never evolve. 

Sprigatito: It is a former stray that wants a home. It lounges in both the greenhouse and the kitchen, going off to visit my neighbors often. 

Hoppip: I catch one believing it is a Flying Oddish. Once my brother informs me that it is not an Oddish, I give it to him and he eventually evolves it into a Jumpluff.

Azurill: It is a surprise when my daycare Pokémon leaves an egg and the owners don’t want it. I hatch it with the help of my Pokémon and the warmth of my greenhouse. When it evolves, I give it to my brother who can properly care for water types in his lake. 

Only a few of my evolved grass Pokémon end up joining the main team or stay in my home. Raised from its pre-evolved forms, I will continue to care for: Vileplume, Tsareena, Lilligant, and Bayleef (once I figure out it is neither an Oddish nor a Bulbasaur). All others are released into the forest but can visit any time they choose.

The Smol and the Swole

Bonus: I asked my friend to trade a trainer insert with me, and this is what he came up with.

According to my friend, he started off by saying:

Okay so basically they are very small.

Friend of Nene

Excerpt written by Friend of Nene:

World: Your Pokémon adventure started when you were just drying your freshly painted nails and you step outside for some fresh air. As your drying your hands doing the lil handy wave.

Dwebble: You spot a Dwebble mimicking you with it’s lil claws. You pass out and wake up to it poking your face and is startled by you waking up and jolts into its shell. You take it inside and claim the Pokémon.

Togepi: So basically you had a baby.

Trapinch & Machamp: One day when taking a walk in the park you notice a Trapinch latched onto a Machamp’s calves. The Machamp is freaking out not wanting to hurt the Trapinch. You slowly approach both Pokémon and as you do the Trapinch notices you. You give it a stare as you tickle it under it’s chin, it lets go. You sigh and thank no one got hurt. As you walk away you notice you’re being followed. Both Pokémon are trailing you. You give them both a stare down. They stare back, a mutual understanding was made. They now follow you.

Joltik: As you’re cleaning our your car with your lil slimy thing you go plop plop around and as you reach under the seat to do a lil plop plop. You feel a static shock on your hand. You jolt your hand back thinking it was just static from the seats. But you look under the seat and see a Joltik under your car seat munching on a small battery. You hold out your hand and the Joltik now full from the small battery gets on your hand and takes a lil nap. You pull out your hand in amazement, you can not believe that worked.

Pikipek: Lastly this Pokémon follows you to work everyday and somehow sneaks into your office every day. Everyday you find it somewhere different, you fed it bird seed one time and it will not let go. Anytime you try to shoo it away it gives you the (insert two fingers touching) look.

Final Team, Final Answer

A lot of what I previously listed had to do with “what-if” scenarios. It confused even me at times, so I created a little chart to help organize things. The numbers represent team slots and each row is organized by likeliness/priority. Some Pokémon are ones that are for sure will be a part of my team regardless of the scenarios while others can be seen as ones I may or may not have depending on my choices in a particular multiverse. Here is an explanation of each group:

Group 1: According to my brother, Umbreon will always be a part of my team. Originally, I thought that it could be swapped with Meowstic at times, but in the end, I would have to agree.

Group 2: Gastly is also a sure-fire member of the team. Though it doesn’t make complete sense for someone to breathe in poisonous smog all of the time, it is one of those Pokémon that I would want. Whether or not it will fully evolve to a Gengar though is up for debate. However, if it manages to evolve into Haunter, I would make an effort to fully evolve it.

Group 3: This group is one I lovingly dub the “Pikachu Clone” group. They are small, yellow, and may or may not have a spark to them. I would have one of these, but not all at once. None of them will evolve under my care.

Group 4: Travel companions who make my life a little happier and better are in this group. They aren’t always fit for battling, but they are comfort Pokémon more than anything. Out of all of these, it’s extremely likely that I will have Litwick and Munna. Meowstic will only be present if my brother has his. Togepi is a little less likely since I would be worried about whether it would be happy surrounded by ghosts. Misdreavus is a cute choice but not a must-have. I think I would be capable of having multiple Pokémon from this group, but only Meowstic would have battling experience.

Group 5: These Pokémon are ones who grew from their pre-evolution forms to high class feminine Pokémon. I would only be able to handle one of these, though it’s likely that Tsareena and Lilligant resided in the greenhouse at some point. Whether or not one of them joins my main party is their choice.

Group 6: In this group, they are grass type Pokémon who I raised and who I take with me on my forest exploration. Maybe their positions should be swapped, but with that many Oddish in my greenhouse, one is bound to become my favorite and evolve into Vileplume. Decidueye is perfect for travelling with me though, which is why I think I would make an effort to raise a rare Rowlet if I encounter one.

Group 7: In the words of my brother, it would just be fun to have a mega option. While Absol and Altaria are most likely, a Gyarados would be a strong option if my brother has a Milotic. Houndoom would fit the dark type theme, but dog-like Pokémon aren’t my forte.

Home Group: These are Pokémon who do not leave the vicinity of my home. While I do own them, they don’t count on my adventures because they protect the house while I’m away. Serperior will always be residing in the greenhouse. The rock/ground types (Dwebble, Gible, Trapinch) may or may not be out in the backyard and come inside every so often; they will likely never evolve. Sprigatito and Phantump are toss ups who can stay if they want, but aren’t a likely option; they will also likely never evolve.

Forget the MBTI 16-personalities test, the true indicator of your personality is which Pokémon you would have if you lived in the Pokémon world! This was a multi-day project that took a night to dream up, but a week to write and design. I had a wonderful time creating, but now I want to know: who would you be in the Pokémon world?

Note, after thoughts: I would want to add in Eevee into Umbreon’s portrait since I would have an Eevee as a child. Litwick should have also been paired with Chandelure since it would evolve into one when I’m an old lady. I’m also still undecided if Mawhile would have a Mega Stone.

I adore the wonderful world of Pokémon!